Being diagnosed with a serious illness kind of pulls you into a new world. One that usually is solely focused around your health and wellbeing. Definitely will not complain about that.
But on occasion you get a glimpse into who you used to be.
Today, I had a flash back to the old me me driving in a snow storm. Only 2 years ago on my way from meeting my potential PhD supervisor. The meeting went longer than anticipated and I ended up in a snow storm on the highway home.
I could see now how hard I was pushing myself!
Just barely recovered from typhoid fever and I remember not feeling well. I was completely out of sorts. I was on edge most of the time, mostly because I really wasn’t feeling well but all doctors said I was fine.
It was definitely a mental struggle to be told your fine and everything inside of you was screaming otherwise. I had to tell myself I was fine and push even harder, thinking it must be in my head.
We really know so much more than anyone at any moment gives us credit for. We need to learn to listen and believe in ourselves enough to have others take us seriously. Even when we have no reason or cause but know that something is off.
I would never go back to who I used to be, if anything this diagnosis has helped me clarify many things in my life and also made others take me more seriously.